Gay for Pay
by Grymmeoir
Summary: When Cartman discovers a new way to earn cash, a trainwreck of events such as: Stan and Kyle questioning their sexuality, Kenny attempting to break Butters and his canadian girlfriend up, and Token and Clyde pretending to be Asian Girls, soon follow. Meanwhile Craig and Tweek tackles with their unresolved sexual tension. Creek, Style and eventual Bunny. Rated T for the cussing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys, it's been a pretty long while since I've written any fanfiction, so I am kind of rusty. This fanfic is multi-chaptered, I hope I actually finish this. I've been meaning to write this ever since the Tweek x Craig episode aired but due to procrastination I never really got around to writing it until now.**

 **The events in this fic take place in the episode "Tweek x Craig" right after Tweek and Craig got together but before the montage that you see in the end of the episode, just imagine that this occurred before the karaoke part.**

 **The pairings are obviously Creek, Style, Bunny and very mild Tyde. Cartman ends up with himself.**

 **Anyway in the same vein as most of my fanfics this is kind of crackish, expect some fourth wall breaking, fluff and mild to severe OOC-ness.**

 **Hope you enjoy reading!**

* * *

Cartman stood in front of EB Games, eyeing the huge array of games and consoles that were neatly displayed. He squinted his eyes, trying to focus on finding a game he had seen on the internet. The moment he saw the trailer he knew he had get it.

"Hmm, where the fuck are you…not there, no not here either."

"Oh sweet, there it is!" Upon seeing his beloved game, Cartman quickly ran inside the store, not even bothering to apologize to the little boy that he pushed down for being in the way.

Cartman walked towards a shelf and as soon as he saw the stack of cartridges, his chubby little hands darted to grab one; the feeling of the yet to be unwrapped plastic protecting the case was orgasmic for the fat brown haired boy.

"You're mine now aren't you? You're my game and I love you. Who's the good game? yes you're the good game! let's just get you home and I'll-FUCK" Cartman audibly cussed, which gained the attention of the people around him.

"Sixty dollars for this fucking piece of shit? What the hell!? What the actual hell!? This is bullshit!"

"Fuck those stinking Jews at Ubisoft, their games are shit! This game is shit…"

Cartman angrily placed the cartridge of Assassin's Creed: Syndicate back to its shelf, crossing his arms as he angrily stomped towards the exit. He'd have to beg for his mother to give him thirty more bucks, his mother had been increasingly hard to manipulate ever since that time she met that Cesar Milan douchebag but I know she can't resist me; Cartman thought.

"Ow, Hey watch where you're going asshole!" Lost in his thoughts, Cartman accidentally collided with someone on his way out of the store. He shifted his gaze to look at the person who had bumped into him, they were going to get it, how dare they disrespect his authoritah? The guy that he had apparently crashed into was Craig; he had bored expression in his face and his right hand were intertwined with the hand of the twitchy, spazzy, blonde known as Tweek.

"Why if it isn't Tweek and Craig! You homos on a date?" Cartman said, his tone ambiguous on whether he was mocking them or not.

"Move away fatass, you're blocking the way."

"I am in the way!? Screw you Craig, you were the one who crashed into me ya asshole!"

Craig and Cartman angrily glared at each other, Tweek who had been quiet all this time, noticed a small queue of people wanting to go into the store beginning to form behind them. Not wanting to disturb the other people he decided to speak up. "Uh guys? We're blocking the way to the store."

The two looked at Tweek, who twitched slightly upon suddenly receiving attention.

"Whatever, I don't have time for you fatass." Craig sighed, he then went on his way to enter the store, Tweek in tow; but not before flipping Cartman the bird with his left hand.

Cartman scowled at Craig and was preparing to leave when he noticed that Tweek was holding a stack of bills, a stack of HOLY SHIT, one hundred dollar bills. Curious on how they managed to get that much money; he decided to follow Tweek and Craig to the store.

Craig dragged Tweek towards one of the shelves he then turned to Tweek who looked back with wide eyes in response. Hiding behind a shelf of xbox one games, Cartman listened in to Tweek and Craig's conversation.

"So which game do you want to get?" Craig said with a bored voice, he would rather be at home right now, but his twitchy fake boyfriend wanted to go out.

"Ah jeez, I-I don't know man…there's way too many games, I can't decide, I am freaking out man."

"Tweek, get a grip. It's not like we only have to choose one game. We got over three thousand dollars from the adults, hell we can buy a new console if you want to."

"What the fuck?" thought Cartman, how the hell did those two get that much amount of money from the adults? Cartman crept closer, attempting to get a better view and sound from the two's conversation.

"Really?" Tweek questioned, his eyes were wide and curious.

"Yeah." Craig answered, avoiding Tweek's gaze. In the deepest corners of his mind he thought that Tweek's stares were adorable but that was gay so he tried to dismiss the thought. They weren't really gay after all…they're just pretending.

"Can we get ps4s?" Tweek mirrored Craig's movement, looking away he saw a stack of ps4s adjacent to the shelf they were currently at.

"Dude, this was settled two years ago during the black Friday trilogy remember? Every kid in South Park has an xbox one. We won't be able to play with anyone if we buy one."

"Well we could buy two and play with each other…" Tweek suggested, blushing at the thought of playing games with Craig and **ONLY** Craig, then blushing even harder when he realized that the last part can be meant as something else.

Craig looked at Tweek but then shifted his gaze away from him again. He had no idea why the spazzy blonde was blushing but the sight of it is giving him weird feelings…weird homoerotic feelings. Nope, I am not gay. Craig thought.

Cartman furrowed his brows, he was getting increasingly irritated by the gay cloud of sexual tension surrounding his stalkees. He just wants to know how they got the money. He didn't sign up for any of this gay shit.

"Fine we'll get ps4s…but don't tell anyone."

Tweek's eyes lit up when he heard what the chullo-clad boy had said, He tried to hide a smile not wanting to seem overly eager. Craig then walked towards a shelf of games with Tweek following suit, their hands still locked with each other.

"But we still need to buy games..."

"Oh uh y-yeah man, of course!" Tweek looked around, trying to find a game that he and Craig might enjoy. "W-what about that one." He pointed towards a poster that said "Assassin's Creed: Syndicate now on stock!"

"I watched the trailer for that game a few months ago, it didn't look that cool but we have cash to burn so might as well buy it." Craig said with a monotone voice.

Cartman felt rage with what he had heard. "SCREW YOUUU!" A shrill voice said, followed by Cartman suddenly emerging from behind one of the shelves. The startled Tweek instinctively grasped unto Craig's arm and hid behind him whilst Craig looked at Cartman with an unamused face.

"Fatass."

"I've been listening to your gay-ass conversation, HOW in the fucking hell did you homos get enough money to buy that piece of crap game!?"

Craig raised an eyebrow but his face went unfazed. "Why should we tell you?"

"Screw you Craig, you're a traitor…first you teamed up with Kenny to get Ps4s, then you join that asshole Clyde after finding out he has the stick of truth, you're always fucking me up."

"Yeah so?"

"AAAARGH fuck youuuuu." Cartman yelled, this again caught the attention of all the customers inside the store.

Craig ignored Cartman and picked up a cartridge of the game, he then went on his way to ask one of the salesmen for ps4s, but before he could take another step, Tweek gently tapped on his shoulder gaining the taller boy's attention.

"Why don't we just tell him where we got the money?" Tweek pulled up an ear flap from Craig's chullo then whispered in his ear, Craig grew red when he suddenly felt the sweet, warm breath of his fake boyfriend come into contact with his ear.

Craig coughed several times, trying to straighten himself up and recover from the event that had just happened. Ignoring the warmth he felt on his cheeks, he put a cool face on and turned his gaze to Cartman.

"H-Hey Fatass, if w-we tell you where to get the money, will you promise not to bother us ever again?" Craig cursed inside his head for lamely stuttering, No it wasn't because of Tweek, he told himself.

Cartman who was about to throw several cartridges of games and push shelves in a fit of tantrum/rage, suddenly stopped when he heard Craig's proposition.

"Yeah, yeah whatever sure…just tell me."

Craig sighed, He didn't want to humor Cartman's demands, he was a shitty person who deserves to suffer but Tweek suggested that they tell him anyways. Then again it's not like Cartman gets to do anything bad with that knowledge right? Fuck it I'll tell him.

"The adults and the PC Principal are giving us cash because they think we're gay."

"Haha very funny Craig, now tell me where'd you get the money."

"I already told you, they're paying us because they think we're gay…"

"They're paying you because you **ARE** gay?"

"What? NO!"

"So they're paying you guys to be gay?" Cartman raised an eyebrow.

"It's not that either…jeez whatever I already told you how we got the money, now for fuck's sake leave us alone."

Cartman closed his eyes for a few seconds, deep in thought…an idea suddenly popped in his head.

"Tell me Craig, what other perks does being gay have?"

Craig once again flipped Cartman the bird, he had already given him way too much attention. Craig decided to once again ignore the overweight boy so he can finally ask for ps4s and finally get out of this place.

With Tweek in hand and a cartridge of Assassin's Creed in the other, he walked up to one of the bored looking salesmen lounging around near the pc games.

"Excuse me, can we buy ps4s." Craig said his voice in its usual monotone.

"Yeah yeah, sure kid. Follow me to the counter." The salesman said, walking towards the counter.

"CRAIG, don't you fucking ignore me!" Cartman shrieked. The other customers ignored him, they were getting tired of his shit.

Craig continued to ignore him, instead he followed the man to the counter. Tweek looked at Cartman sympathetically but was nonetheless dragged off by Craig.

"That will be $799.98 for two ps4s…bro." The salesman said. Boredom was evident in his face.

"Oh and we'll also be taking this." Craig placed the game cartridge on top of the counter. The salesman saw the game's cover then furrowed his brows.

"Hey, this is rated M! You're not allowed to buy this game bro."

Cartman grew ecstatic with what he had just heard, "Hah, they won't be able to play the game after all!"

Craig looked at the salesman he seems to be one of those annoying "PC" guys that their principal hangs around with, a plan hatched in Craig's head. He was going to hate what he will say, but for the sake of buying the game…he had to try.

"We're gay, check your privilege…" Craig replied. Mentally cringing with what he had said. He then raised his right arm to show that his hands were intertwined with Tweek's.

"O-Oh yeah, you're those kids…fuck PC Principal is going to kill me if he finds out. Listen kid, if you promise not to tell anyone about this little mishap I'll give you this ps4s for half the price…is that alright?"

"I don't care about that, can we just buy the game?"

"Huh, Y-Yeah of course bro, I'll even throw some other games for you guys free of charge."

"Okay we'll buy them." Craig said. His plan had worked way too well. The people of South Park are fucking idiots.

"Thanks for shopping, here's your stuff…oh and here's some money." The salesman gave Tweek and Craig fifty dollars each. Craig sighed, it's not like he needed more money. He and Tweek then exited the store, holding hands with one hand and each holding a plastic bag containing a ps4 and some games in the other.

Cartman who had been watching the whole thing grew amazed, he saw the true power of gayness it was magnificent! People bowing to your will just because you're gay…holy fuck that is amazing! If you get to have all that free shit just because your homo then fuck being straight.

"That gay for pay scheme is amazing…I should get in on that. But I'll need to have someone to be gay with." Cartman thought. He then remembered his three friends (if that's what he should call them), hopefully at least one of them might agree to play gay with him.

"Hopefully it's not the Jew." Cartman muttered.

* * *

 **A/N: Like I said earlier I am pretty rusty, I had a hard time writing Cartman and I am not entirely satisfied with how I wrote him in here, hopefully I get better. I've inserted a lot of reference from various episodes so in order this fully enjoy this fic you'd have to watch some of them. Thanks for reading and please review or favorite if you'd enjoyed.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I was supposed to upload this chapter tomorrow but then I remembered that the previous chapter didn't have a lot of content and that people might become uninterested which is fine...but I actually really like the concept of this story so yeah. By the way I have never played any Assassin's Creed games the only reason that I am writing about them buying it last chapter is because during the actual Tweek x Craig episode they were shown playing it.**

 **Anyway please enjoy reading!**

* * *

"Just so you know…I don't actually have punch and pie or free hats." Cartman suddenly said, which garnered the attention of the other boys.

They were currently at Cartman's basement, the email that they received said that there were going to an emergency meeting and that there will be punch and pie and free hats, which was all it took for most of the boys to come. Stan sighed, he should have known that if it came from Cartman then it would be full of false promise. Next to him was Kyle who only came because Stan forced him to. In front of Kyle was Butters who came because he thought it would be rude if he didn't, and beside him was Kenny who eyed the other boys, there was Token, Clyde, Craig, Tweek, Jimmy, Timmy, Jason and David.

"Just tell us why you asked us to come here, fatass."

"Patience Jew, for what I am about to tell you will blow your minds, you see I-"

"Not this shit again." Kyle said. Effectively cutting Cartman off.

Cartman glared at Kyle, but ignored his comments and continued to speak. "What if I told you that it is possible to get the adults of South Park to give you money and bend them to your will without doing anything for just one tiny condition, will you do it?"

Craig sighed, He knew what this was going to be about. Why did I even go in this stupid meeting; he thought.

"Dude that's impossible, all the adults in this town might be stupid but they're not just going to give you any money for no reason." Stan spoke up.

"Of course, that's why I said that there was a condition. You see I-"

"We all know that what you're saying isn't possible. This shit happened before remember? Your scheme won't work!" Kyle interjected, earning him another glare from Cartman.

" **YOU, SIR, MOCKED CARTMAN BEFORE, YET YOU TWO SIT HERE DEMANDING ANSWERS!** " Clyde suddenly stood and yelled, banging on the table twice with his fist. " **NOW DAMN YOU, LET HIM SPEAK!** "

All the boys went silent, surprised by Clyde's sudden action.

"O-Oh hamburgers, am I gonna have to dress up as Marjorine again?" Butters spoke, ruining the silence.

"No Butters, You're not…Now if a certain Jew would please shut up, stop interrupting me, and respect my fucking AUTHORITAH, I might be able to finally explain what I have been trying to say." Cartman calmly said.

Kyle angrily crossed his arms, and gave Cartman a look of disdain. Stan gently placed a hand on one of Kyle's shoulders, attempting to comfort his best friend. "Chill, dude."

"Now where was I? Oh yeah the condition…I've recently discovered that the adults of South Park are paying Tweek and Craig because they're gay, I concluded that if we act gay then they'll pay us too!" Cartman said smugly. "It's genius, guys!"

"That's fucking stupid fatass! They don't pay Tweek and Craig to be gay…or wait do they?" Kyle questioned; looking at the aforementioned two who didn't seem to show any reaction to what he had just said.

"I-I-I thought that the Asians we're the ones who're t-tu-turning people gay? Y-yaoi remember?" Jimmy said.

"No, Dude. Only the Japanese are the ones who make people gay. My dad said so." Stan spoke up.

"Then why did Cartman say that the adults are paying Tweek and Craig to be gay?" Token joined the conversation.

"You guys don't actually believe this fatass do you? You can't bribe people to become gay, it's probably bullshit if it's coming from Cartman." Kyle responded.

"Well if you ask me, I don't care how Tweek and Craig became gay, I think they look cute together…" Clyde said.

This caused different reactions from the other boys: Token facepalmed, Craig took a huge annoyed sigh, Tweek nervously grabbed a lock of his hair, Kyle looked at him incredulously, Stan kept a poker face on, Kenny chuckled, Butters smiled, Timmy, Jimmy, Jason and David just stared at Clyde, and Cartman who grew irritated threw the cap of a sharpie he was holding unto Clyde's head, Causing the brown haired boy to mutter a silent "Ow."

"No one cares about what you think, CLYDE!" Cartman yelled.

"Bu-but ah gee, Craig, Tweek, I-Is it really true? Do they really pay you guys to be homos?" Butters said.

All eyes went to the couple…or rather fake couple. They looked at each other, both hoping that the other would answer the question that was thrown at them. "What do we say?" Tweek whispered. "I-I don't know, dude…" Craig whispered back. Upon realizing the closeness of their faces Craig looked away and took a deep breath, warmth once again crept on his cheeks. Tweek who felt that the shushed conversation is far from over, Moved his body and face closer to Craig's. "Should we tell them? I mean we already told Cartman so…" the blonde whispered. Craig flinched upon this movement. "I uh-"

"Wucha fags whispering about?" Kenny stuck his head between the two boys, joining their whispering, His voice however was muffled by his hood so his statement went by undistinguishable to everyone.

Craig shoved a middle finger towards Kenny's face in an attempt to get him to return to his seat then took a deep sigh. "No they didn't pay us to become homos, but yeah they do give us money."

"N-N-No way, how m-much do they give you g-g-gu-guys?" Jimmy stuttered.

"Depends, It usually ranges between twenty to a hundred dollars." Craig answered.

"Each?" Clyde said.

"Each." Craig echoed.

"See, I told you guys, there's money in being gay!" Cartman exclaimed.

"But we're not gay, Dude." Stan said. "You'd have to be gay for that to work, just like Tweek and Craig."

"We're not really g-"Craig almost said, but then his arm was tugged by Tweek, effectively stopping him from continuing. "Never mind."

"Stan, Stan, Stan, you need to think out of the box, we just have to pretend that we're gay, we don't have to be actually gay to do it…don't you know the term "Gay for Pay? " Cartman beamed.

"Gay for Pay?" Kyle questioned.

"It's when straight dudes pretend to be gay dudes for cash, commonly done in pornos and such." Kenny explained. His muffled voice went audible this time.

"Correct, all we have to do is act gay in front of the adults, we don't have to actually be homos." Cartman agreed. "It's just like acting! So anyway who's with me?"

"Ah gee, But isn't that like deceiving people? I don't wanna be a f-fag just for cash. And besides I already have long distance relationship with my Canadian girlfriend, I don't wanna be a lousy-ass cheater." Butters said.

"Y-y-yeah, I don't think I am co-co-c-comfortable with that scheme even if it does get me m-m-money." Jimmy muttered.

"Yeah me either." David who had kept quiet all this time, said.

"Timmy!" cried Timmy.

"And I am already rich, so fuck that." Token said impishly.

"I am not okay with this plan either, what would Craig and Tweek think? I mean they're actually gay and we're not so…"

Craig glared at Stan and stealthily flipped him the bird, he can't say anything…the damage has already been done. Even his friends think he's gay. He looked at Tweek who doesn't seem to appear fazed with what Stan had said. How can he be so calm about this? Thought Craig.

"Alright, fine you fucking pussies. Anybody who wants to get through this plan raise your hand." Cartman said; irritated.

None of the boys raised his hand except for Kenny, who thought that the premise isn't so bad. I mean he's done fucked up shit for cash before, ate disgusting shit, worked as a child labourer, hell he was willing to blow a guy for 10 bucks, acting gay is child's play.

Cartman looked around waiting for another boy to raise his hand. "Anyone else? No? Fuck, Screw you guys." He then looked at Kenny with slight disgust, at least it isn't the Jew he thought.

"Kenny, since you and I are the only one who has the balls in this place, you will have to act gay with me tomorrow. We're going to hold hands, go on dates and all that gay shit that Craig and Tweek do."

Kenny's eye went huge, act gay with Cartman? He'd rather shot his dick a hundred times than pretend to have the least bit of attraction on that fatass. "Screw that shit man, I am out."

"Hah! See Cartman? No one wants to go through with your plan." Kyle said smugly.

"SCREW YOU KINNY, NO ONE WANTS TO DATE YO POOR WHITE TRASH ASS ANYWAY." Cartman shrieked, throwing away the uncapped sharpie he was holding. "AND SCREW YOU TOO KIEHLL!"

"My name's not Kiehl." Kyle said calmly.

"ARRGH, Screw youuu!"

"Come on guy let's leave this place, we don't have anything left to do." Stan spoke up.

All of the boys stood up from their chairs and began climbing up the exit to Cartman's basement. This angered Cartman some more.

"Fine, fuck you guys anyway…I'll find some other guy to be gay with and I'll be stinking ass rich while your poor straight asses suffer."

"Gay or not, no person would ever want to date you Cartman. The only person who would willingly date you is yourself." Kyle said as he left the basement.

"SCREW YOU KYLE." Cartman yelled, he then proceeded to push down the chart that displayed all his plans in a fit of rage.

"I'll find someone who would like me."

* * *

Craig is currently at Tweek's house sat at a sofa playing video games. The two decided to play the games they'd bought yesterday after leaving the failure of a meeting that Cartman had invited them to attend.

"You're pretty good at that." Tweek said. As he gingerly took out a chip from the bag of chips he was holding.

"Yeah, it's pretty fun." Craig replied. "It's a shame that the dude at the game store gave us a copy for xbox one instead of ps4s though…I know how much you wanted to play with a ps4."

"I-It's fine, I mean we have enough money to buy another game…all that matters is that we're enjoying right?" Tweek shyly said.

"Are you sure, you're enjoying? You're not playing yourself, you're just watching me play."

"Yeah, I am good. I like watching you play Craig."

When he heard what the spazzy blonde beside him said; Craig felt happiness bubble up inside his stomach. He looked at Tweek and smiled at him.

"Y-You should keep your eyes on the screen, man! Someone's attacking you!" The blushing Tweek said pretending to not notice the smile Craig had given him earlier.

"Oh, y-yeah." Craig shifted his focus on the game, realizing what he had just done. A small faint blush crept upon his cheeks mirroring Tweek's. "So uh…why'd you stop me from telling the other guys that we aren't really gay?" Craig said, attempting to change topics.

"I just don't want them to get depressed and all…"

"Do you think they care about our relationship as much as the adults?" Craig questioned, his eyes still focused on the game.

"Well no they probably don't…but I don't know man, it feels wrong." Tweek said, a hint of melancholy in voice.

"What do you mean, it feels wrong…?" Craig asked then looked at Tweek, wondering what the blonde meant.

"I-I uh nevermind, It's nothing."

"Okay." Craig gave Tweek a worried look then returned his gaze towards the screen.

Tweek took a huge sigh, then eyed the bag of chips he was holding. Maybe one day I'll tell him what that means; Tweek thought. Wanting to drown out his thoughts he decided to read the nutrition facts that was written at the back of bag of chips he was holding.

"Can I have some of that?" Craig asked, after seeing a glimpse of the bag of chips that Tweek had.

"Oh yeah sure, dude." Tweek replied, he then proceeded to grab a chip from the bag then shove it towards the taller boy's mouth, Craig saw the chip in front of his face so he instinctively ate it.

Craig was enjoying the salty, savoury, crunch of the chip when he suddenly realized what Tweek had done. He looked at Tweek whose eyes we're wide and was in a state of shock.

"D-d-did you just feed me?" Craig asked incredulously.

Tweek didn't reply, his hand were still lifted up towards Craig's mouth and he still had a look of surprise in his eyes. Craig looked at him realizing that he wasn't looking at him but instead he was looking at something else, following his gaze he saw what Tweek had been looking at.

A bunch of adults, some of who he recognized, were staring at the two of them from outside the window. They bore happy faces, some of them aww-ing and giggling.

"How long do you think they've been watching?" Said Tweek who seemingly recovered from his state of shock earlier.

"I don't know…" Craig replied.

"Should I close the window?" Tweek asked.

"Yeah."

Tweek went towards the window and closed the curtains, muttering a soft "Sorry." As he felt guilty for shutting off the adults.

"It's kinda creepy that they do that…" Tweek timidly said.

"Not as creepy as the people who are reading and writing fanfiction about us…" Craig said, as he stared at the broken fourth wall.

"What?" Tweek asked, wondering where Craig was looking at.

"Never mind it's nothing…" Craig stared back at the game he was playing, the words "Desynchronized" flashed through the screen. "How did I die?" he thought to himself. He then remembered that he was distracted by Tweek suddenly hand feeding him as if they were lovers…technically they are, but no not really, or are they? Their relationship was as confusing as the "Grounded Vindaloop" episode.

Craig gave the controller to Tweek, "It's your turn." he said.

Tweek gently took the controller and played. Craig was relieved, He couldn't play seriously when something is on his mind, he needed to think. Craig took a huge sigh then took notice of the bag of chips that Tweek had put down beside him in order to hold the controller. Thoughts of the earlier event went flooding back again, Craig felt that his face was turning red once more so he looked away from it but not before flipping the bird towards the inanimate bag of chips.

* * *

"FELLAS, FELLAS!" Butters cried, as he ran towards the familiar bus stop that the main four hang around at. Stan, Kyle and Kenny looked at him, Cartman was nowhere to be found.

"What is it Butters?" asked Stan.

"I-I-Is it true Stan? Are you and Kyle are gay?"

"WHAT!?" Shrieked Stan, Kyle and Kenny at the same time.

"Where the hell did you get that idea? Did fatass do something?" Kyle angrily said.

"N-no! You know how there's this Art Fair thingy that sells Tweek x Craig art in front of whole foods? Well I was walking at Shi TPa Town earlier and I saw that they were now also selling Stan x Kyle art, here I bought this as proof." Butters then showed the three a drawing of Stan holding Kyle's face close to his.

"Woah, what the fuck." Kenny said.

"No way, t-that's…"

"I'd recognize your green hat thingy and Stan's red poofball cap in any art style, this fellas are definitely you."

"No…that can't be." Kyle didn't know what to say, Butters was right. It was all too surreal. He then felt a hand touch his shoulder, he looked up and saw that it belonged to Stan.

"Stan…the Asians turned us gay." Kyle said, dejection laced his voice.

"No..." Stan paused, took a deep breath, and with a very calm and serious voice he said: "Dude, the Japanese are the ones who turned us gay."

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for all the people who followed, faved and reviewed. They are all appreciated!**

 **Oh and David is the mexican kid that Cartman always teases in the episode "You're not Yelping." Just in case you didn't know.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: As much as I didn't want this fic to turn out like Homo Flour Sack Babies where I update once in a blue moon...it did so uh sorry about that, also this chapter is very short compared to the others. I hope that doesn't hinder you from continuing to read and follow this series.**

 **Also this chapter is Stylish, if you know what I mean.**

* * *

"What the fuck." Kyle exclaimed as he saw what seems to be a mural of him and Stan lovingly hugging each other; painted on the walls of their school.

"Oh God, Dude, what would Wendy think?" Stan said, a hint of panic in his voice.

"Well gee Stan, w-why don't you ask her? H-here she comes now." Butters chirped as he pointed towards Wendy who was currently walking towards the boys.

"Shit."

"Hey Stan." Wendy greeted, her voice was calm but pleasant, almost as if she was excited about something.

"I am not gay! I have no idea how it happened, but the Japanese…they turned us gay." Stan said defensively.

"Don't be silly Stan, I understand." Wendy smiled.

"Oh thank goodness." Stan sighed, a huge wave of relief washed over him, it's a good thing that his girlfriend was sane. He then wondered why Wendy had walked towards him, did she need anything?

"So…hey do you need anything?" Stan asked.

"Oh yes, I came here to officially break up with you. I know how much you love Kyle and all…I am afraid that our relationship is getting in the way. I should have known really…that after all those years you'd pick him over me. Oh well no hard feelings, you two make a good couple anyway…" Wendy giggled, a smile formed on her face, but there was a tiniest hint of sadness in her eyes, she then hugged Stan tight and game him a small peck on the cheeks, "Goodbye."

"Wendy, no…I am not gay, it's all a big misunderstanding." Shock, panic and confusion were in Stan's voice as he tries to explain.

Wendy ignored Stan's explanations, she then looked at Kyle who was also in a state of shock. "Kyle, please take good care of him, he's happier with you."

"What?! No, Wendy we-"Kyle tried to explain, he didn't want Stan and Wendy's relationship to be over just because of him, but Wendy left them before he could finish.

"Dude, Wendy just broke up with me." Stan said his voice cracking a little whilst trying to hold back tears. He then felt a hand touch his shoulder, it was Kyle. He didn't know why he did it but he then hugged the redhead tight, as if to mimic the hug Wendy gave him earlier.

Kyle felt sorry for his friend, so he patted him in the back as an attempt to comfort him. "We need to fix this." Stan whispered.

"How?! The whole town thinks we're gay…" Stan cried out, as he hugged Kyle tighter.

"I…I dunno." Kyle sighed, then looked at Stan. Feeling pity for his friend he decided to succumb to the hug, wrapping his arms around the raven-haired boy.

"Oh hamburgers, you guys really are gay…aren't you?" Butters spoke up.

Kenny facepalmed, grabbed one of the smaller blonde's hands, then dragged him off to leave the two. "Dude you're ruining their moment."

"Oh sorry." Butters replied. The blondes then proceeded to walk away.

Stan and Kyle were left alone hugging, unaware of the people that were staring and that the position they were currently in mirrored the mural on the school's wall.

* * *

"Psst, Token."

"Psst. Heeeey, Token."

"Heeeeeeeeey, Token."

"Token, heeey."

"Tooookeeen."

Token sighed then whispered back to Clyde, "What the hell do you want?" he didn't want to humor his annoying friend but the whispers were getting annoying. He couldn't focus on the crap that they're new teacher was discussing.

"I was wondering if you would reconsider Cartman's plan and act gay and shit."

"No, I am already rich. I wouldn't gain anything from doing that."

"Oh ok." Clyde said promptly.

"That's it?" Token asked, knowing Clyde he usually asked way more questions than that, way more stupider ones too.

"Yeah, pretty much."

Token raised an eyebrow, it's very unusual that Clyde would end at that, surely he must have other questions. Nevertheless he shrugged off that thought and attempted to continue listening to their teacher.

"Psst, Token."

Token sighed, he knew that it was too good to be true.

"Hey, Token."

"Psst."

"Tooookeeeen."

"What the hell do you want now?" Token whispered back angrily.

"You free later after school?"

"No."

Token wasn't actually busy after school but he didn't want to take part in whatever scheme Clyde was planning.

"Aww man, that sucks. I really need someone to come with me to ShiTpaTown later, I am gonna do some shopping."

"Shopping?" Token asked, confused.

"Yeah, I need to expand my collection after all, and I heard that there's some new stuff for sale there." Clyde jauntily said.

"I didn't know you collect things…what is it? And anyways why would you need someone to come with you? Can't you do it alone?" Token grew curious, but he didn't want to admit it to himself so he decided to play cool, acting nonchalant and such.

"If you must know, I am collecting Art, but not just any kind of art it's "Forbidden Art". As soon as you look at these paintings you can feel the emotion and energy, the passion and overflowing love. It's amazing!" Clyde babbled.

"Art? I've never really seen you as an art enthusiast…"

"Never judge a book by its cover, Token." Clyde said smugly.

"So anyway…you're basically saying that you need someone to help you carry paintings right?" Token was actually somewhat interested with what Clyde had said. He wasn't much of an art enthusiast either but his parents had taken him to so many museums that he actually gained somewhat of a knowledge when it comes to art related stuff. He knew the classics: Michelangelo and Da Vinci, and he knew the more modern ones like Picasso and Andy Warhol, he appreciated fine art…he was rich after all. Perhaps accompanying his annoying friend while shopping for paintings wouldn't be too bad, hell he might buy one too to add to his parent's collection if he sees something he liked.

"Exactly! You know me too well. My ebony skinned friend."

"Fine, I'll go with you, maybe help you carry paintings, But only because I have nothing better to do…"

"Great! You'll enjoy it, I will personally guide you-hey wait a minute you said you we're busy earlier!" Clyde accused.

"Do you want me to go with you or not?"

"YEAH man, of course! I already told you that I needed help carrying stuff."

"Then stop asking me unnecessary questions."

"Oh O-okay…"

* * *

Cartman paced around in his room, he had somehow convinced his mother that he was sick, allowing him to skip class which gives him time to think. He'll need to do a lot of pondering and planning after all. His shitty friends dissed his plan, he doesn't have anyone to play gay with.

He then booted up his computer and checked his facebook, scrolling down through his list of friends.

"No, No, NO, FUCK NO, No…ISN'T THERE ANY DECENT GUY TO ACT GAY WITH IN THIS SHITTY TOWN?" Cartman grew frustrated.

"What if I get a girl to dress up as a guy, and then ask them to act gay with me?" Cartman thought, but then realized that he wasn't exactly close with any of the girls, hell they probably hate his guts…especially Wendy and probably Jenny Simon, I mean he did make her shit her pants in front of the whole class. Ah that was a good prank, Cartman chuckled.

"I'll have to narrow my choices, If I want my hands on that shitty Assassin's Creed game then I am gonna have to make do with any guy."

"But guys liking other guys? That's kinda weird…I mean, I don't think I can handle being gay even if it's just pretend."

"Aww, Come on. What's wrong with two guys liking each other?" A voice popped up, startling Cartman.

"C-Cupid Me?"

"Hee hee hee, yes!"

"Can you help me, Cupid Me? Can't you fire your magical love arrows to other guys so that they'd fall in love with me?"

"Other guys?" Cupid Me, questioned with great curiosity.

"Yeah, everyone in South Park hates me, so I can't act gay with them, which sucks but fuck them they're all dicks anyway."

"I don't hate you, I think you're cute…do you think I am cute?"

"Oh no, Not this shit again Cupid Me, that's weird. I am absolutely not gay, anyway help me make other dudes gay so they can fall in love with me."

Cupid Me attempted to decipher Cartman's somewhat conflicting words then looked at him confused, with a sigh of defeat he said: "Well alright, I'll help you."

"Sweet! You're the best Cupid Me." Cartman smiled, he can't wait to get his hands on the game.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Yeah, Cupid Me. Now go shoot random guys with arrows so they fall in love with me...you can even pee in their mouths if you want to." Cartman winked.

Cupid Me sighed then nodded, not saying a word as he flew out of Cartman's window.

* * *

"Dude we need to do something about this, we're not gay." Kyle said, shifting nervously in his seat.

"I know that man, but what do we do?" Stan replied.

"I dunno, but I sure hope this works." Kyle replied back.

PC Principal soon entered the room and sat down on his desk, he stared at the two boys in front of him. "So what can I do for you boys?"

"Uh yeah, PC Principal about the gay thing I-"

"Oh I see, do you need a lesson in affirmative consent too? You see boys you're never too young to learn about proper consent, and since you two are in romantic relationship then I-"

"We're not gay." Kyle sternly said.

"That is completely irrelevant, Okay? What matters most is that you two understand affirmative consent. Tweek and Craig were able to complete this lesson and soon you will too, Now I know you guys think this is lame but in a healthy, happy romantic relationship, there are rules that need to be followed, you need to make sure that your partner is comfortable in any sexual exploration."

"But Tweek and Craig are Gay and we're not! So it's different, I have a girlfriend...Wendy" Stan said.

"Correction…you HAD a girlfriend but now you have a boyfriend and his name is Kyle Broflovski, I guess I'll need to teach you about romantic relationship ethics too, Rule 1: You never mention the ex, bro."

"Ugh" Kyle grumbled frustratingly.

"No, we're not gay! Japan did it, it's all their fault! Why won't you fucking listen?" Stan angrily said.

"Stan what you had just said was somewhat bigoted and racist, I am going to have to give you three weeks detention but then again since you're gay I am going to just give you money instead…here's fifty dollars each." PC Principal said.

"I can't take this anymore…" Kyle spoke up, he then proceeded to leave the principal's office.

PC Principal didn't stop him, instead he just let out a huge sigh. "And I thought Craig and Tweek were a stubborn couple to council…you two are quite difficult aren't you bro?"

Stan ignored PC Principal, his thoughts went towards Kyle and where he had gone, he grew worried so he followed his friend outside, leaving PC Principal all alone to himself.

"Well isn't that cute…" PC Principal said to himself, smiling as he replayed the scene where Stan goes after Kyle in his head, albeit this time in a more exaggerated and fabulously homoerotic fashion.

* * *

 **A/N: The reason this is so short is because I deleted a BUNNY scene that was supposed to take place at the ending, you'll probably see it in Chapter 4 or 5, I felt like it didn't belong in this chapter but maybe it kind of does...idk. This whole chapter is really choppy in my opinion and I think that the last chapter was better but I kinda like this one...somewhat, I mean I wouldn't have uploaded it if I didn't like it :P and yeah okay I need stop rambling now.**

 **Thank you guys for all the faves, reviews and follows, They're all very much appreciated!**


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